Hour 31

To be perfectly honest: since the fall, I haven’t really been on good terms with my horse.

Of course I love her to pieces! She’s the most beautiful and adorable horse I have ever seen.

but sometimes she annoys me so much she makes my blood boil.

It’s the little things, like how she just won’t stand still in the wash stall. Or when I am riding her and she just can’t get her little butt moving (Ironic for an ottb, right?) or when she won’t turn, if she nips at the horse beside her, if she walks away while I am trying to undo her blanket so she can attack the horse standing next to her.

In fact, I think the whole reason the fall and everything else happened was because of the anger that exists between us. I get mad at her because of something she’s doing, and in turn she gets mad at me and pins her ears,

and it all goes downhill from there. I guess one of my instincts is when I get nervous, my nerves translate into anger, which carries into my horse. It can be scary riding a green horse and knowing that you are in the driver’s seat.

I am trying to learn to work with Indy in a constructive way so we can get along and get things done without a fight. Sometimes it’s hard to be assertive and even aggressive to get what you want but be completely calm about it at the same time. I have been refusing to accept that nerves exist, when in reality they have been hiding in plain sight.

long story short: we are like sisters.We are both moody, occasionally cranky. We annoy each other and are arch rivals but at the same time there are times when we can’t be separated.

today, mama and I worked Indy on the ground. I am nervous and clumsy with the rope and I don’t know what I am doing. I understand how important groundwork is, but doing it makes me feel angry and powerless.one thing is for sure: I am not getting back on Indy until I can come to terms with her. I need to establish boundaries but at the same time prevent unnecessary anger and overcome nerves. My trainer recently attended a Natural Horsemanship clinic in Texas, so she’s got some things to teach me in the next lesson. It’s into the round pen with me!like my new coat?